“The Little Girl Within” Looking for Someone to Replace My Father

There is a story in John, suggesting to today’s woman a proverb, “there is nothing new under the sun”.  It  passage tells of a woman in search for significance through multiple relationships.  There is no mention of her having children to assist with meeting her needs, however, it does mention that she  had married  them all but the one she now lives with. The history does not even discuss how long her relationships lasted.  But one can deduct that she was a young to middle age woman.    As, I seek to understand her story of broken relationships, I also, know how much it must have cost her physically and  emotionally.  The Samaritan woman can be anyone of us seeking to repair relationships….. …..

This is a Woman, who resigns to travel at high noon in order to avoid  the gossip of  women in her community.  By traveling at noon,  no one should be there, as it  leaves her in solitude, removed by all the emotionally pressures of responding to others about her life’s story.   Imagine sweet falling  from her eyebrows, on a narrow path, she encounter several men in her passing.  Holding her face down- avoiding eye contact, she hurriedly sways pass them. Her mind racing with thoughts of fear and dismay.  To finally reach her destination and prepares to draw water from a well approximately 125 feet deep.  Suddenly, she’s greeted yet, by another man that makes a simple request.   By now she has an attitude!   Her emotions in the atmosphere, as she grasps for air in efforts to respond to his question.    After all , this was her time to be alone, reflect  and search for meaning to mere existence of her life.  Her story is infused with the missing  connection of a loving relationship.

Like most all little girls, we desire a  father-daughter relationship. As  I reflect back in my life, as a little girl of  the summer, I desperately wanted to live with my father.  I was all pack and ready to go, dressed in an orange dress with a flowing white ribbon in the front and brown sandals, adorned with gold ornaments.  After all, my father promise me that I could stay with him and I took him at his word.   He promised me that I could spend time with him.  Then it happen, I called him, but the phone rang unusually long.  My stomach started to pain.  Then, his wife answered and said to a naive little girl in a cruel voice,  “your daddy is not here,”  click- the phone call was over.  What sadden me was, that my father never apologized or explained to me what happen. Yet, deep inside I  loved him and wanted a connection with him.  I suffer from a broken heart and  expressed it in unwanted adult relationships, motives of women relationships when they wanted to befriend me, fear of commitment and a thirst for unconditional love that I had to learn the hard way,  this deep love could only be found in a relationship with the Living God.

As I reflect through the years, I can honestly say, my childhood  and my family was dysfunctional, playing a major role  that influenced my adult relationships.  When a girl does not have a  true relationship with their father, it has the potential to impede her connection with other male relationships, causing one to look for attributes of a father in them.  It’s said that long term stress in relationships can cause varies diseases and psychological  problems.  Women who continually experienced painful memories  from childhood must be given permission to freely express inner dialogue in a supportive non-judgmental environment . in doing so, will not only transforms unwanted behaviors, it also, empowers women to forgive self, God and others.   As forgiveness has spiritual power to heal dis-eases and restore  emotional health.

The  Story of  a Samaritan Woman

       1-7 Now when the Lord found that the Pharisees had heard that “Jesus is making and baptising more disciples than John”—although, in fact, it was not Jesus who did the baptising but his disciples—he left Judea and went off again to Galilee, which meant passing through Samaria. There he came to a little town called Sychar, which is near the historic plot of land that Jacob gave to his son, Joseph, and “Jacob’s Spring” was there. Jesus, tired with his journey, sat down beside it, just as he was. The time was about midday. Presently, a Samaritan woman arrived to draw some water.

       8-9 “Please give me a drink,” Jesus said to her, for his disciples had gone away to the town to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, “How can you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)

     10 “If you knew what God can give,” Jesus replied, “and if you knew who it is that said to you, ‘Give me a drink’, I think you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water!”

     11-12 “Sir,” said the woman, “you have nothing to draw water with and this well is deep—where can you get your living water? Are you a greater man than our ancestor, Jacob, who gave us this well, and drank here himself with his family, and his cattle?”

     13-14 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But whoever drinks the water I will give him will never be thirsty again. For my gift will become a spring in the man himself, welling up into eternal life.”

     15 The woman said, “Sir, give me this water, so that I may stop being thirsty—and not have to come here to draw water any more!”

     16 “Go and call your husband and then come back here,” said Jesus to her.

     17-18 I haven’t got a husband!” the woman answered. “You are quite right in saying, ‘I   haven’t got a husband’,” replied Jesus, “for you have had five husbands and the man you have now is not your husband at all. Yes, you spoke the simple truth when you said that.

     19-20 “Sir,” said the woman again, “I can see that you are a prophet! Now our ancestors worshipped on this hill-side, but you Jews say that Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship—”

     21-24 “Believe me,” returned Jesus, “the time is coming when worshipping the Father will not be a matter of ‘on this hill-side’ or ‘in Jerusalem’. Nowadays you are worshipping with your eyes shut. We Jews are worshipping with our eyes open, for the salvation of mankind is to come from our race. Yet the time is coming, yes, and has already come, when true worshippers will worship in spirit and in reality. Indeed, the Father looks for men who will worship him like that. God is spirit, and those who worship him can only worship in spirit and in reality.”

     25 “Of course I know that Messiah is coming,” returned the woman, “you know, the one who is called Christ. When he comes he will make everything plain to us.”

     26 “I am Christ speaking to you now,” said Jesus.

This woman encounter with the Living Word, Jesus, realize that race, religion and her  adverse childhood experiences were no longer a factor in her life.  She was able to stand tall, and communicate with others, sharing her own story of redemption.  “Come meet a man who knows all about you- from the inside out”.  He offers TRUTH and emotional freedom to  anyone, who really desires  an honest relationship. He replaces painful memories with forgiveness.   He listens  to her non judgmentally!   He cares about her conflicts with others!   She now understood that He was the the real Father that she searching for.   This woman was no longer defined by her past and some believe abusive relationships.  She show us how to undergo spiritual heart surgery.  All of us should undergo this transforming experience.

Her story is simple!  “Come meet a man who can heal you of your painful childhood,”  when that little girl inside is searching for a father-daughter connection of unconditional love.  My prayer is that you accept HIS  Unconditional Love and experience emotional freedom today.

Scripture reference John 4: 1- 26 ASV

Mirrored Reflection:  My Story by  Deborah Jones-Allen http://www.daughtersofsiyyon.org



Author: Deborah Jones-Allen

My passion and personal mission is to help those who lives have been affected through the inter-generational transmission of traumas contributing to adverse childhood experiences or ACEs. My goal is to help others experiencing emotional challenges increase their ability to manage adversity, build resilience, regulate and repair their lives, so they can heal. My communication style is non-judgmental, as I share the power of forgiveness through the lens of God’s unconditional love and biblical accounts can help you to understand and share in other people struggles. God's unconditional love is able to heal a broken heart. In 2009, I began my inner healing journey, putting words to her feelings. Sharing intimate emotional struggles of overcoming the adversities of childhood sexual abuse, rejection and challenges as a teenage parent. I am the author of “Mirrored Reflection” an emotional experience to unleash pain, hope and determination. As a native of Miami FL, I live with my husband, Ronald of 21 years. I acknowledged, that it was God, who strengthen our marital relationship spiritually and emotionally, as we cared for our grandson who, also was affected by inter-generational adverse childhood experiences, leaving an impact of emotional neglect and the sting of family dysfunction resulting from young deaf parents. At an early age, he mastered the ability to keep a code of silence at school and from social services sectors to protect the secrecy of domestic violence and physical abuse within his family. My background has aided me to identify and manage challenging behaviors finding solutions when employees are experiencing workplace stress, helping others increase their emotional IQ, as I look for any changes in worker’s behavioral health.

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